Do Girls Fart? This and 15 Other Mysteries Demystified

Do girls fart? If you’re the kind of curious cat unsure of the mysteries of all things about girls, this is your ultimate answer cheat sheet. I’m not one to hold onto a lot of secrets about what girls do and don’t do, and there are benefits to remaining a mystery to the men around me. Men love mysterious things and that’s probably why a woman’s body, and women in general, completely fascinate them. However, I am perfectly fine divulging our feminine secrets to all of you because, quite frankly, I’m tired of all the questions I get from my guy friends! And believe me, they’re probably more curious than you are about all that women do on a daily basis. Why do women hide certain aspects of their lives? You’re probably wondering why you even need to ask if girls fart. Probably because you haven’t heard one do it before. Am I right? This isn’t unusual, because we like to keep certain unappealing traits hidden from any male suitor. Insecurities, awkwardness, and disgust are the main reasons we don’t let loose and show you every nasty bit of our true selves. Other reasons involve societal expectation for women to be proper and pure. All girl mysteries demystified I’m sure girls everywhere aren’t too happy that I’m sharing all of our best kept secrets. But I’ll share anyway! It’s about damn time the world knew the truth and stopped viewing women as some untouchable, pristine species. Now it’s time for you to know what women are really like behind closed doors and in the confines of our own homes. Here are all the answers to your mysterious questions about women. It’s time to demystify this fascinating gender. #1 Yes, we fart. We’re human, aren’t we? So yes, we fart. How else would we release pent up gas from our intestines that just so happens to make its way to our rear end? Although we don’t usually do this around guys, because farting has been seen as improper and downright gross, we certainly do this home alone. #2 We even go number two! Contrary to what Kim Kardashian would like the world to believe about her, she does in fact take a poop every once in a while. Hopefully every single day because that’s what healthy human beings do. And since women are actual human beings, we have to do this in order to survive. #3 We get HAIRY. In the winter, I go weeks without shaving if I am single. Even then I’ll make it a full week without shaving ANYTHING before breaking out the razor and hacking away at the long hairs covering my body. Ladies hate shaving, and if we can make it without shaving, then we do. This leads to us looking a lot hairier than you might suspect a woman would be. #4 We pee in the shower. What is the point of turning the shower on and then sitting on the toilet to pee before getting into it? It all goes down the drain just the same. I’m not sure why this one stayed a mystery because I honestly couldn’t care less if guys know I pee in the shower. They do it, too. #5 We don’t wash our hair every day. And if I can go weeks without doing so, you bet I will. Braids and ponytails were invented for a reason, and I’m assuming nasty, greasy hair had something to do with it. Washing our hair takes so much time and effort, and we’re lazy creatures by nature. So you can imagine why we wouldn’t want to hold our hands above our heads for minutes on end just to wash out some stuff that’s not actually that harmful. #6 We can get really sweaty. I’m not just talking about in the gym either. Sure, we can work up a sweat while working off the burger we ate the night before, but we can also get super gross-sweaty by just sitting around in all our glory on a hot day. #7 We don’t always smell like roses and vanilla cupcakes. Thanks to the lovely little sweatiness happening from time to time, we don’t always smell good. In fact, girls own so much perfume because we don’t usually smell that great. Not to mention we don’t even shower every day, which only adds to the stench. #8 We can let out a burp that would put your worst one to shame. I know most of us have been raised to hold our burps in or only let them out silently, but if a girl has the house to herself and just devoured a delicious meal, she will let one of the worst burps out you’ve ever heard. And believe me, you will feel inadequate in comparison. #9 We pick our noses. I don’t mean we do this for fun or to gross out our little siblings, but we do actually have to at times. Picking a nose isn’t just for guys to do. If we have something stuck up there that no tissue can force out, there’s only one other thing we can do. #10 We hardly ever wash our bras. For something spending all of its time strapped snuggly to our bodies, you’d think we’d wash them a lot more often than we do. However, we can go weeks without washing them—especially if it’s our favorite bra, and we just can’t part with it for as long as it takes to wash. #11 We masturbate. Hello! Sometimes we’re single for a ridiculously long amount of time. And you’d be crazy if you think I’m going to go a year or more without getting some in one form or another. So yes, we have to help ourselves out every once in a while or we’ll be driven insane by our sexual frustration. But we don’t just do it when we’re single either. We could be in a completely happy and healthy relationship and still do this. I mean, guys do it all the time, so why is it such a surprise that girls do? 12 We watch porn. This is probably the biggest shock to most guys that ask me if we like to watch porn and if we do watch it on a regular basis. The answer is yes; although, you might not get that answer from any girls you ask. We’re too embarrassed to admit we like to watch two people getting it on just as much as you do. #13 We dance around completely naked sometimes. Post-shower, pre-shower, just because we’re sick of clothes and a good song comes on. We will almost always find a reason to dance around naked, and then check ourselves out in any and all available mirrors in the house. #14 We talk about sex with our friends. If you’ve ever wondered if your girlfriend has ever gone to her friend and chatted about the sex you two are having, the answer is yes. She definitely informed her friend about almost everything involved in her sex life. Girls also love to point out really hot guys and wonder how good they are in bed. #15 We stuff our faces with the junkiest food we can find and give no sh*ts about it. I once devoured an entire frozen pizza, cookie dough, and a quesadilla just for dinner when I was left home alone. We love stuffing our faces with junk food and would actually much rather order a burger when we’re on a date than a salad. But we order the salad because it’s “ladylike,” and we want you to think we’re adorable. Girls aren’t actually as mysterious as you think. We’re actually just like guys except we have vaginas. And this list has thoroughly demystified a girl’s mysterious nature.